Well, this has been a pretty rough week. There's so much to do, and so much to deal with. I can honestly say, I'm not dealing well. I felt better yesterday, because I spent the day w/ my mom getting things done that had to be done. I think most of my problem has been that I sit here in the house, alone. Being alone right now it not a good thing. I don't handle things well.
My sister is staying at Mom's right now, so I know she's ok. But, we do much better when we are together. They have been doing things and I felt more like I was in the way than anything. So, then I sit here, alone, and upset that I'm not w/ them and it's just crazy. Poor George. He gets these phone calls and I know I'm not coherent at all. I've got to quit doing that to him.
Anyhow, my point, and I do have one... I am putting so much pressure on myself w/ this painting and getting it done in time for the Art Show Committee to see. I'm just not doing it. I'm not entering this show. Right now it's just too hard to put that much pressure on myself. And it's making me not paint right. I'm like some water head retard w/ a brush! It's like I've forgotten how to paint. I just can't worry about that right now. Life is too important. If I paint it has to be because I want to, not because I have to. There, now I feel better.
So, now that that pressure is off of me...Today I will go to Mom's and she and I are going to put together a collage of pics of Dad to have at the Memorial tomorrow. We will enjoy doing that together. It should be interesting because we are both so creative and strong willed (stubborn & only WE can do things the right way!)...it's gonna be interesting!!
One day, I will just have paintings done, find out where there's a show & enter it. It won't be a stressful thing. Hopefully I won't have to deal w/ all that I am now. I don't ever want to do this again.
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